Prank calls are not funny. However, if you do happen to be on the phone to someone already, well, then thats a whole different ball game. The telephone is confusing enough at the best of times, its potential for large scale bamboozlement only enhanced by the proliferation of mobile phones around these days. There are a veritable multitude of ways this great invention of Mr Bells can be put to use in the quest for confusion. And you'll be glad to hear, most of them don't involve long words.

¿> Cup o' tea? []
In the middle of a long distance phone call, tell the other person that you're just making a cuppa. Absent mindedly ask them if they take sugar.
¿> He's dead []
When you receive a telemarketing call that asks for you (or anyone else) by name, say "I think he's dead. Hold on a minute - let me check - (with mouth away from phone)hey, are you dead? You are. OK. - (back into phone) Yep, he's dead. He just confirmed it. Can anyone else help you? No matter who else they ask for, they will be "dead" too.
¿> Consultant fees []
When a salesperson cold calls you and asks to speak to you by name, pretend you are a secretary and answer - "Yes, he is here and his telephone consulting rate is $5 per minute with a ten minute minimum. Would you like to put that on Visa, MasterCard, American Express or Discover?" No matter how they reply, tell them they can't speak to so and so unless they give you a credit card number. Of course they will hang up, but if they ever are stupid enough to give you their number, you're just that much ahead of the game!
¿> Meat Loaf []
Whenever a salesperson calls you on the phone, after every question they ask, you say "Would you like to buy some meat loaf?" Keep doing it until they hang up.
¿> Cold calling cold callers []
When you get a cold caller trying to sell you double glazing etc. Say you are interested but busy and can you take their home phone number to ring them back on. When they say they can't give it out, say "Thats probably cos you dont like being called by strangers huh?" when they agree laugh hysterically and hang up. Point made.
¿> Who rang who? []
Ring someone up and then say one of the following: (1)Sorry, just let me put you on hold for a mo. (2)Yes, how can I help you? (3)The Cows are all gone!!
¿> Answering the answerphone. []
Ring someone up and then switch your answerphone on.
¿> Just browsing []
Phone up your local library and wait until someone answers.If they say hello how can i help or something along those lines reply no i'm just browsing.
¿> Mobile home? []
When people call you at what they believe to be your home phone number, yell down the phone, 'Yeah, I'm on the Train'
¿> The walls are Electrified!!!! []
Get the phone number fo a phonebox and ring it on a mobile until someone picks up and tell them in a scream voice that the walls are electrified and watch there reaction.
¿> Kelly's []
When answering the phone at any time put on a fake accent and answer 'Kelly's Pool Hall, Kelly speaking how can i assist your pool playing pleasure' or words to that effect.
¿> Some day my call will come []
When you cold called (double glazing etc.) sob hysterically down the phone and admit that you've been waiting for them to call or your life and you'll never be lonely again. That should freak them.
¿> I'm listening []
Answer the phone with 'Yeah, I'm listening', before breaking into fits of laughter.

¿> woohoo []
When anyone you dont like calls you, just keep shouting woohoo down the phone until they hang up
¿> Who's calling? []
Get hold of someone elses mobile phone and switch all the names and numbers around, so that when person X phones, it will look as though the call is coming from person Y.

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